IF ONLY THE WORLD CUP WAS MORE LIKE STREET FIGHTER

There are three things most important in life according to Conan. Football, Kevin Muscat and Street Fighter.

TBT will go on record by saying Street Fighter is better than Jesus. In fact, Street Fighter would kick Jesus' arse. Most probably at Street Fighter, and maybe football.

Having used possibly the worst sedgeway in history, here's a few reasons why the World Cup would be loads better if it was more like Street Fighter.

1. Jackie Chan is awesome, even better dressed as Chun-Li
Mr Chan was used as a marketing gimmick to help promote the Beijing Olympics, but arguably his finest moment was as a promotional pawn for Street Fighter. Sepp, use Mr Chan to pimp South Africa 2010. Fuck it, have him fight a puma. Perhaps, an indomitable lion?

2. In Street Fighter, every country in the world is represented, except Australia - enter Craig Foster, World Warrior
Following Australia's disastrous first round exit at the hands of an unnamed South American nation at South Africa 2010, the FFA conduct a public enquiry into previous Socceroo captains. Craig's highly public praise for South American playing styles casts a long shadow over Fozzie. In order to prove his innocence and undying loyally to Australia, Craig wanders the globe in an attempt to seek penance and redemption in the eyes of Australian fans. Craig enters the international fighting tournament, facing each and every South American-based fighter to rediscover his sense of self and be reborn, possibly becoming irrepressible.

3. World Cup Anthems are awesome - combine them with Street Fighter songs and we have a winner
Perhaps Portugal could look to these guys for a world cup anthem?

I appreciate that this post is poorly thought out. But fuck it. You just saw a dog play Street Fighter against a bust of Napoleon. If you didn't, hit the link.

And for those other people, there's Chicken-Football

Contains at least 79% Football, 29% Truth

YOU CAN'T GROW A FOOTBALL LEAGUE WITH MAGIC BEANS

Since USA '94, the first major World Cup tournament staged outside traditional power bases CONEMBOL and UEFA, football has promised deliverance for grassroots leagues, offering developing football nations washed-up megastars and a fat cash injection into often floundering semi-professional leagues or non-existent footballing cultures.

It's been more than 15 years since World Cup football fondled North America. To examine how the just-add-water version of the World Game first touched this part of the world, look no further than the ageing megastars and glittering sponsorship dollars that drove some of the biggest players to a fledgling league that lasted less than a generation. The reason, a lack of organic history.

The New York Cosmos have been cited as a perfect example of how to setup a football club, and a football league for failure. Recruiting ageing yet high profile players like God Pelé and Franz Beckenbauer, the New York Cosmos were the glamour franchise of the North American Soccer League (NASL). While the New York Cosmos managed to draw higher than average crowds to their home ground, average league attendance for the NASL was on par with most fledgling leagues in developing football nations (~15,000 per match) with some clubs struggling in the NASL to attract above 5,000 fans a game.

It's been argued that the NASL was built on the euphoria following England's World Cup victory two years prior to the leagues inception in 1968. Players like God Pelé and Franz Beckenbauer left their respective leagues for a fat paycheck in the Land of the Free.

As the North Americans experienced first hand in the late 1960s, it's difficult to generate a excitement and a sense of history for a just-add-water football league with no real heritage or tradition. The NASL, MLS, J-League and A-League are prime examples where the backing of financial corporations is no replacement for the organic, natural growth of a supporter base. It's little surprise that the South African national league is looking to capitalise on global interest in high stakes football arriving on their doorstep in 2010.

The question remains, is growth sustainable when a football club doesn't have the support of seasoned, passionate, tradition-bound football fans? Who is willing to take the younger generation to see a brand new club in an empty stadium with plastic supporters and an awful anthem?

Contains at least 79% Football, 29% Truth

WHY GARY NEVILLE WILL NEVER BECOME A REAL BOY

TBT HQ is still hot as hell following a heat wave.

Due to bullshit weather these ungodly circumstances, TBT feel someone should cop it.

There, that's our justification. So without further ado, here's 5 reasons why Gary Neville will never become a real man.


1. His father has two first names.
Neville Neville.

2. He has a fucking rubbish pencil thin mustache that makes Magnum PI, Jesus and Mike Hagger Cry in unison.
That (below) is not a man with a mustache. This is a man with a fucking mustache.









(left) Not a CURLEH MUSTACHE


3. He was hand raised by Satan and doesn't feel mortal pain.
How else do you explain his resilience to years of victimisation by his own people?








4. His own fucking teammates don't like him


5.Own. Goal.Euro.Qualifier.Fail

Contains at least 79% Football, 29% Truth

FUCK ME IT'S HOT, DO THEY PLAY FOOTBALL IN HELL?

At the moment at TBT HQ, it's 1 mirrion 40 odd degrees centigrade.
It's at times like these that thoughts turn to the inevitable apocalypse end of the fucking world. One starts to wonder, when it all ends, will we get to watch football in hell?

It's fair to assume that Peter Ridsdale would be chairman of Hades FC, having recently assumed ownership of the club after Ken Bates picked it clean following allegations of misappropriation of funds.

Ridsdale would make a public address appealing for calm declaring the club had every intention of reclaiming the respect of the fans and keeping the sponsors happy (comprising a tobacco company and a milk company).

Following his PR disaster opportunity, Ridsdale would go on to waste 6 million euro-dollar-yen-pounds on tropical fish (for the second time), as opposed to investing in a half-decent central defender with at least one good foot. Ridsdale would then plumb for a series of inspirational creative-minded teamleaders including David Koresh and this bird.

Japp Stam would have a home in the heart of defence eating live babies. Terry Venables would be Ridsdale's first choice as Manager. Terry would proudly lead his side to the dizzying heights of midtable obscurity, enforcing a strict 'fuck-it-long' game plan whereby Stam would hack the ball up the pitch to the waiting open arms of that cheating fucking Frenchman Thierry Henry. Henry would play a free floating role behind Con Boutsianis complete with balaclava.

The question remains? Who in their right mind would buy a season ticket to Hades FC ?
Would you?
More importantly, why would you turn up for the derby when this guy is the star player for the opposition, at every fucking sport?

Contains at least 79% Football, 29% Truth