CAN YOU SMELL WHAT THE SEPP IS COOKIN'?

It's no great surprise that one of the most popular pieces of entertainment for kids in the western world is wrestling. Say what you like about 'professional sports entertainment', its got the ear of an entire demographic FIFA would love to sink its teeth into.

So, if Sepp Blatter were to push for the 'professional sports entertainment' slice of the pie, what parts of football would be best served?

1. Promote the shit out of cross brand rivalries
FIFA already has the UEFA cup, Copa Libertadores and World Club Championship to give the best players in the world an opportunity to meet each other in mortal komat on the pitch, but these encounters would benefit from the monthly Pay Per View event calendar popularised by 'professional sports entertainment'. Big matches, every month. Fireworks and Divas. Do it, Sepp.

2. Terrible, god awful acting & predictable bad guys
Football has its good guys and its bad guys - it's 'Faces' and it's 'Heels'.
Ronaldo and a certain cheating fucking Frenchman Henry would be one hell of a champion tag-team that fans would love to hate. They would certainly sell a shit load of shirts. TBT have even gone to the trouble of suggesting an entrance song for this formidable duo.

3. Colourful commentators
Anyone who has had the true pleasure of listening to postmatch analysis by the one and only Eamon Dunphy know that the man is wasted on Irish television. His dulcet tones should not be limited to a nation of 4.5 million. Partner Dunphy with Jerry "The King" Lawler and we have a winning combination that should be translated into all known languages. Shit, get them to commentate Eurovision.

4. Bring back washed up talent to help ratings
Top billing goes to Cantona Vs Vinnie Jones

Contains at least 79% Football, 29% Truth