WHY ALL WHITES WILL EPIC FAIL IN SOUTH AFRICA

New Zealand are rubbish.

New Zealand are going to South Africa 2010.

That said, the Kiwi's have qualified for one less World Cup tournament than Australia and prior to Germany 2006, New Zealand had even qualified cheated more recently than Australia ('82). Worse still until Germany 2006, New Zealand had scored more goals in World Cup tournaments than Australia. To put that into context for anyone outside of either country, that's like your little brother scoring more goals than you in, well, a World Cup. Then kicking you in the balls.

Despite the eternal optimism of it's supporters, and the All White's being a plucky band of lower league players who'd make Emilio Estevez's first team, we at TBT seriously doubt there will be any slices of Heaven for the All Whites in South Africa 2010.

So why will New Zealand fail in South Africa 2010? Here's a few simple reasons.

1. The All White's white strip was originally based on the colour of England's shirts and chosen to contrast with national rugby union side the All Blacks. Therefore, the All White's national jersey was selected so not to clash stylistically with the rugby team, and is based on England. Shitty sport (RUG-BY)+ The Nevilles (ENGERLAND) = BALLS.

2. They have older, shitter strikers than Australia

3.Vaughan Coveny is fucking old and rubbish (but he used to be rad)

4. Shan Smeltz will accept Australian citizenship
Frank Farina isn't exactly busy at the moment (probably playing FIFA 10 Football Manager Vampire Rain). What does Frank have to with procuring the talent madskilz of Smeltz?
Frank capitalized on changes to FIFA rules that allowed players to change allegiances - permitting Tim Cahill to be capped for Australia over his family homeland Samoa. The ruling changed in early 2004 and all players up to the age of 21 who had not been capped at full international level were eligible.

We at TBT admit Smeltz is old a bit of a late bloomer, but following the logic that Farina was able to thwart the bureaucracy of FIFA when he was busy under full time employment, now that he has little else to do but plan tactics and training schedules for Brisbane Roar RAW on Football Manager Live, surely he could convince FIFA Smeltz qualifies to play for Australia? Fuck knows we need a reliable forward

5. Slovakia. Italy. Paraguay
Seriously tough opposition and a huge challenge to finish second with these three. After all, they beat these guys to book their ticket to South Africa.

Contains at least 79% Football, 29% Truth