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New Zealand are rubbish.
New Zealand are going to South Africa 2010.
That said, the Kiwi's have qualified for one less World Cup tournament than Australia and prior to Germany 2006, New Zealand had even qualified cheated more recently than Australia ('82). Worse still until Germany 2006, New Zealand had scored more goals in World Cup tournaments than Australia. To put that into context for anyone outside of either country, that's like your little brother scoring more goals than you in, well, a World Cup. Then kicking you in the balls.
Despite the eternal optimism of it's supporters, and the All White's being a plucky band of lower league players who'd make Emilio Estevez's first team, we at TBT seriously doubt there will be any slices of Heaven for the All Whites in South Africa 2010.
So why will New Zealand fail in South Africa 2010? Here's a few simple reasons.
1. The All White's white strip was originally based on the colour of England's shirts and chosen to contrast with national rugby union side the All Blacks. Therefore, the All White's national jersey was selected so not to clash stylistically with the rugby team, and is based on England. Shitty sport (RUG-BY)+ The Nevilles (ENGERLAND) = BALLS.2. They have older, shitter strikers than Australia
3.Vaughan Coveny is fucking old and rubbish (but he used to be rad)
4. Shan Smeltz will accept Australian citizenship
Frank Farina isn't exactly busy at the moment (probably playing FIFA 10 Football Manager Vampire Rain). What does Frank have to with procuring the talent madskilz of Smeltz?
Frank capitalized on changes to FIFA rules that allowed players to change allegiances - permitting Tim Cahill to be capped for Australia over his family homeland Samoa. The ruling changed in early 2004 and all players up to the age of 21 who had not been capped at full international level were eligible.
We at TBT admit Smeltz is old a bit of a late bloomer, but following the logic that Farina was able to thwart the bureaucracy of FIFA when he was busy under full time employment, now that he has little else to do but plan tactics and training schedules for Brisbane Roar RAW on Football Manager Live, surely he could convince FIFA Smeltz qualifies to play for Australia? Fuck knows we need a reliable forward
5. Slovakia. Italy. Paraguay
Seriously tough opposition and a huge challenge to finish second with these three. After all, they beat these guys to book their ticket to South Africa.
Contains at least 79% Football, 29% Truth
Now while we at TBT are of a-less-than religious bent, in this Christmas-New-Years period it's customary to give thanks for all that we have, especially all things good.
One thing that is good fucking awesome is a man by the name of Kevin Muscat. The Hardest Bastard to be ripped from the loins of Australian football. Kevin (currently plying his trade with Melbourne Victory) started his career with Sunshine George Cross - making his international debut for Australia against Kuwait in '94.
Despite the 'facts', we like to believe Kevin was spawned by the devil after a particularly heavy studs-up tackle on Mary Magdalene. Something like Kevin's death squirrel grip on Terry McFlynn.
Next week Australia faces Kuwait in Kuwait City. Culina is missing due to injury and stalwart centre back Craig Moore is looking weary after ball watching seven goals in Brisbane Roar's RAWs past two league matches. If Craig Moore is looking tired, his old Australia teammate is raring to go. Go on Pim, pick Kevin. Consider it a belated Christmas present/early Australia Day gift to MMA Football fans. The match against Kuwait doesn't fall on a FIFA date which restricts the overseas based players travelling for the match. This would surely give preference to fit, enthusiastic Australian-based players to play an important part in the extended squad. On and off the pitch.
Kevin is one the Hardest Bastards ever to play for Australia, but don't forget that he can play football too.
Melbourne are lucky to have Kevin. Few rival clubs would admit it, but they'd have him in a minute because every A-League club would love a Kevin Muscat in defence.
Australia could centainy use one next week in Kuwait City.
Contains at least 79% Football, 29% Truth
New Zealand are rubbish.
